When I woke up this morning one of my first thoughts was "why did I start that stupid blog?...now I'm going to have to stick with it!" Then it occurred to me that that was precisely why I started it, for accountability, for release, for catharsis.
One if my big problems is I start things and never see them through. Sometimes those things are insignificant, sometimes life-changing. I get really big ideas and dreams, get all excited and then when push comes to shove, I throw up my hands and quit. I am hoping that this will give me some focus, something to do daily that will keep me on track. It's not going to be easy!
So for my beginning, I started with the mind. My crazy jumbled-up mind. As I type this, my husband is pacing back and forth in the kitchen while loudly talking on the phone in his drawling accent to a man about hay. It's all I can do not to scream or take the phone away from him and throw it high up into a tree from whence it will never ever be recovered. But this is good, I shall press onward, it's just a test of my patience. Anyway, back to my mind, did I mention it was a jumbled mess? I went to see my family doctor today. She is the cutest little thing with her Canadian accent and sort stature. I love her bedside manner and her deep concern for her patients. We discussed, at some length, my attention deficit curse. I've been on a non-stimulant drug for about 4 years now and within the past year or so, it really stopped helping me. So, we have switched medications to a stimulant type drug (the same drug Kyle has been taking since 2nd grade) and I've filled out all my paper work to get the drug for free from the manufacturer. Kyle qualifies, so should I. (I could go off on the governments lacking in this arena with my families health care but for now I think that is a topic best left alone).
So, with my 30-day supply coupon in hand, I went to the pharmacy with my little prescription. Good LORD how long can one man talk about hay?? I had my friendly consultation with the pharmacist and breathed a sigh of relief as she assured me that this was probably one of the best medications with the least side-effects and that I would breeze right through and see immediate results. As soon as I got my hands on some water, I took one. It's been over three hours now and I swear I can feel all my circuits clicking on. What a great relief already.
I am currently working on a plan for sticking with this. Right now I'm just floundering, trying to find my way. I think beginning with my mind is going to be a start in the right direction. Mental health can be a sensitive subject, but I've dealt with my share of instability and know that taking care of the mind is just as important as any type of care for the body or even the spirit. I've heard a lot of debate about medications. When we were deciding to put Kyle on it, I got both sides of the argument. Both had great points but I finally came to rest with this advice...I was told by one of the counselors who was testing him these words, "if he was a diabetic, you would give him insulin and if he couldn't see, you would get him glasses, this is no different." So, as much as I love my child and would do anything to help him succeed, I shall do the same for myself and my own mind.
And now, as I have a very anxious puppy at my feet waiting to play, I will move on to the best therapy of all, puppy time.