Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Day 57 ~ This time next year

Despite my extended period of blogging silence, I'm not dead. I do feel somewhat like Kay Eiffel in "Stranger than Fiction" at times, struggling with writers block. Aside from the chain smoking and the fact that she got paid to write, I have a deep connection with the writer. Sometimes words flow from my brain through the ends of my fingers and other times, I can't seem to put anything in a sentence form. I've thought about simply doing stream-of-consciousness writing but am afraid that could lead to some sort of lawsuit. I don't need that.

I am still journeying daily, hourly, minute-ly. There are moments of feeling grounded and firmly standing, but more often than not, I am the leaf in the wind. There are several blogs that I would love to refer my readers to (all 8 of you).

First of all, this blog is where I go when I need a moment of peace. The words are beautifully written, the music is soothing and the photography, inspiring. Please take a moment to visit and find that corner of the world where you can escape for a heartbeat and find calm.

Secondly, this blog is complete hilarity. I highly recommend reading it for sanity's sake. Some of the stories will make you pee in your pants and others make me feel like maybe I'm not so insane after all. This is why I'll never be an adult pretty much sums up my life.

There is some kind of balance that I'm seeking and not quite able to put my finger on yet. A balance between merriment and contentedness. I've written about living in the moment and accepting each as it comes. There is, as is poignantly written in Ecclesiastes, a time for every purpose under heaven. Sometimes I simply wish that I could fully take part in each moment. Surrender to the will of God. Surrender, surrender.

I spiraled into a whirlwind of denial just yesterday as my Taylor came bounding through the door, waving her acceptance letter to college with tears in her eyes and excitement pouring from her very soul. I participated in the the gladness and did the happy dance with her then had to go and hide myself for a moment, let the tears fall, and then proceed to shove it all down somewhere so as not to cause alarm. My thoughts were, "this time next year...this time next year, I will be awaiting her homecoming for Thanksgiving...this Christmas will be the last with her as my very own, living in my home, this time next year, this time next year."

And there I go, instead of enjoying today...thankful for each blessing of this moment, wool socks on my feet, a snoring puppy under my desk, a cool autumn breeze outside my window, love in my heart so big it hurts, tears streaming down my face thinking of my precious daughter, I am blessed. Yes, God...I am blessed.

1 comment:

  1. Have I told you lately that I love you? I am so glad God caused our paths to cross. You challenge me and make me smile! Been pondering the 'seasons' stuff as well. Thanks for sharing your heart.