Day 3

It's been a weird day so far. I was wide awake at 3:30 this morning, so I went ahead and got out of bed. I did some cleaning (quietly) and then sat and read a little and wrote a few of my worries down, I've been told that this helps. Then I curled up on the couch with Emma and Sophie and watched some infomercials. I fell back asleep about 6:30, just at Rodney was waking up, and woke back up at 9:30. I know I need rest but I would like to do it in a much more orderly fashion.

When I woke up, Kyle was sitting in the rocking chair, drinking coffee and watching the news. I thought maybe I'd awakened in some alternate universe. He will be a perpetual toddler in my head, I suppose. I had some phone calls to make and while I was wandering around with the phone to my ear, I saw Kyle standing at the door with a bird perched on his finger. Did I just think I woke up and didn't? This is weird. Since I had a phone to my ear I whispered, "what the heck?". Kyle whispered back, "it flew into the window."

So, phone in one hand, camera in the other I managed to get a shot of this phenomenon. I let the bird sit on my finger too and then sat it upon a string of Christmas lights still adorning my back deck. He sat there for a moment collecting himself, and then flew away. His flight looked like he had been doing tequila shots, (or had flown into a window), but I think he might be ok.

On another note, I would like to mention that I am still working on weight loss. My poor turtle is so stuck. The holidays are hideous when it comes to eating right and exercising. Add in a pretty intense illness and you kind-of don't even give a crap. Bring on the margaritas and chocolate!! So, I am seeing inspiration and making better choices. It has to be a life change, not a diet. I know this. I am desperately trying not to beat myself up, to not be mad at myself. This only leads to a shame spiral and I really don't want to go down that road again. The truth is I AM mad at myself. I can't believe I'm back where I started. I am going to have to do all that work over again?? What is the matter with me? These thoughts are bad bad bad. I am feeding myself happy thoughts, telling myself that God loves me and that a good, hard, intense battle to become a better person will be rewarding and that God will wholly accept any sacrifice I lay at His feet. Even the ugly stuff.