Saturday, February 5, 2011

Day 36

This is under my kitchen sink, or this is what it looked like this morning.

I do believe I've mentioned my plight of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. Haven't I? I'm on medication but all that does is keep me somewhat grounded. It isn't like I take a pill and then I'm magically a completely with-it, efficient, organized person. Taking care of my mental health requires work on my part...a lot of work. Most of the time, I am pretty content to live in my body and with the mind I've been given. I laugh at myself. I redirect my frustrations into something creative. I laugh at myself. I find a quite place. I laugh at myself. Sometimes, however, it is all completely O V E R W H E L M I N G.

I can't find anything. Things take ten times as long and are ten times as frustrating because everything is out of order. I'm very good at creating the illusion of neatness. Sparkle up a few things, sweep stuff under the rugs and into a drawer and voila...it's done. The only thing is, I never remember where I put those things I haphazardly threw in a drawer and when it comes time for me to find it, I loose my mind searching. All of this, is exhausting.

I've always tried to stay informed about my disease (it's more fun to call it a disease). The thing is, I can know everything there is to know about ADD and if I don't apply the principles, it does me no good. I'm supposed to simplify my schedule, follow a routine, create a quite place, and do my best to be neat and organized. I've also read that it is a good idea to decrease television time, eliminate caffeine, get a good night sleep and use calming music in my daily background. Within the depths of my soul I want scream, "yeah right!" But I also have this pet peeve about people using the word can't and I guess this applies to me too.

So, I'm beginning to take a few steps to creating a simpler, more organized home. I just happened to begin with this space. I'm not really sure why, it just was one of those things that I did impulsively, another classic manifestation of ADD. I followed through to the end until it looked like I wanted and would be completely functional and easily accessible. The thing is, this project has snowballed and now this is pretty much the only simple and organized place in the house.

I also managed to clean out a desk drawer. Too bad I can't fit in either place because I sure need serenity. I am pressing on to bigger things but am attempting to, at least, tidy things up without messing up what I've managed to clean. I think I'll take a walk in the snow. God's simplicity is much better than mine.

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