Goofing Off

One of the benefits of being self-employed is that you are you're own boss. This, sadly enough, is also one of the hardest things. I'm sure I've discussed my lack of self-discipline before. I thought as I grew older, it would become easier. Like, there would come a magical day when my life would resemble that of a grown-up and I'd be the most efficient, self-motivated person around. It hasn't happened yet.

My grandfather was a Marine, fought in WW11, got a degree in chemical engineering, raised a family while working for a chemical company, retired and then became a farmer. He worked like a dog until the day his body completely shut down and wouldn't allow him, and he didn't live much longer after that. He loved to work and he expected everybody around him to work as well. Every person was measured by their work ethic in his book. And, if he saw the shape I was in on this particular day, he'd tell me I was goofing off. That was his terminology. This basically meant that you were not being productive. In his mind, there was no such thing as recreation and the only time you stayed in your pajamas was if you were sick. Now, I have managed to crawl out of my PJ's today and get some things done but I feel like a big old slug.

I had a really big week last week with VBS and company... and then all day Saturday I attended a photography workshop and then church yesterday was followed by helping Rodney with some plumbing problems in the chicken house which landed me in bed last night around 1:45 a.m. Staying in the chicken house for that length of time, breathing the dust filled air and sweating like a horse tends to wipe me out. So, I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been reincarnated as a rag.

I have managed to do several loads of laundry and even sewed myself a very stylish cover for my camera strap. I've milked goats, done dishes, taken some pictures, and fed the dogs and goats. Somewhere in my head I feel like I'm not a complete disgrace, but I keep crawling back into the big leather chair, curling up with a blanket and feeling like my Papaw is looking down on me from heaven in shame and dismay at my pitiful state.

As I was writing this, I recalled writing a very similar post from this time last year on my farm blog. This time of year is akin to that let-down after the holidays. It's hot outside, all the crazy summer stuff is coming to a close and I'm just flat tired.

Tomorrow will be better. I do have something to show for my day today so I'm not a complete and total loser. But, if you were to peer in my window right now, you'd see a sad, pathetic woman curled up with the laptop in the big leather chair, hair disheveled, and hoping she doesn't have to go to the bathroom anytime soon because...I flat don't want to have to get up.