Friday, July 29, 2011

At peace with war

Ok, I've already written one blog today but had a lightbulb moment I wanted to get down before it flew out of my head.

I'm constantly feeling like I'm in some sort of struggle. There is a never-ending battle within myself, my brain, my heart, my soul. The struggle is to be better, do better, feel better, act better. Then today, for some reason, it occurred to me that the struggling is actually a clear indication that I've not surrendered. It is proof that I'm a fighter and that I am battling because I refuse to be beaten. It is when you give up the fight that you loose the battle. You know those people you see that look like they've given up? They break my heart. I'm no better than them, I'm just still in the thick of the fight and they've pulled out and waved the white flag.

I really can't tell you what made this revelation come into my head today, but it has given me some peace, yes, peace about war. I may still need to loose 30 pounds, but what if I'd never tried, never walked the loop, zumba'd, swam, hiked, put down the oreo, had good days mixed in with the bad? It frightens me to think of the shape I'd be in. I may be starting over AGAIN, but at least I'm picking myself back up, arming myself with the power of the spirit, drawing back my sword and breaking though the crowd with a triumphant shout. I will not be beaten. I can do all things through Christ...ALL THINGS!

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