Wednesday, August 10, 2011


I've been doing Zumba like a crazy person. It is somewhat addicting and, if I have to be an addict, I guess this particular vise is pretty ok. When I was going to an actual Zumba class, the whole thing was much more exciting and rewarding, but with gas prices so high, it made more sense for me to buy the DVD's and do the thing at home. The first few times I did it alone, by myself, solo, unaccompanied, all by my was pretty sad. I felt foolish dancing around like a maniac in my living room, companionless. So, I figured I'd just have to change my attitude about it and enjoy it. I turned up the volume very loudly, pretended I was practicing some sort of tribal ritualistic dance and got down with my bad self.

I sweat. I sweat much. And, it feels good.

This morning, while I was throwing punches to the beat of the drum, my thumb nail caught my opposite pointer-finger and sliced a little gash in it which began to bleed. This is the second time this has happened. I kept right on going and was thinking to myself how clumsy and silly and ridiculous I must look if I keep making myself bleed while dancing around in my living room. My shins hurt, my knees ache, my back is sore, my hamstrings are tight, I have cuts on my fingers and... it feels awesome.

After I did a good 45 minute cardio party, I decided to try a little yoga to stretch my body out and push myself just a little further. My new TV provider doesn't have FIT tv (which really upsets me) but I found a yoga class on another channel and set it up to record. I love yoga. It is so the opposite of what I am at my core and I neeeeeeeddddd it so badly. My brain is scattered, I have no direction, no routine, no discipline, and peace and serenity are what I long for. While I was following the directions from this guy who, oddly enough, had a southern drawl, I was even more taken in by the words he was saying as I stretched and held poses. I sat and wrote some of it down and am going to share it with you now. This is deep so brace yourself.

Breath flows in us, breath flows through, much like energy, much like life. We don't own it, we borrow it a breath at a time...our lives coming down to what we do with it.

I absolutely loved this. I've always had a profound belief in the concept of energy. We are all just energy and we are responsible for the energy we give to the world. The notion that we are only borrowing breath and are in control of what we do with this borrowed breath, borrowed life which flows through us is a concept that puts things into perspective.

Gaze point to fingertips and set your intention here. Pause for a moment and set your intention to hold this breath, your intention to explore with no labels. Here, finding weaknesses and strength and finding that equanimity to embrace both because here in life they'll come, they'll go, they don't define us, they connect us because we all have strengths and weaknesses and we can appreciate all of them.

Set intention. I need this. I need this a lot. I am working on finding my weakness and strength and not allowing it to define me but to embrace them both. I had to look up the word "equanimity" and this is what it means -

equanimity |ˌēkwəˈnimitē|
nounmental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, esp. in a difficult situation
I could probably write a book on this noun. I come from a long line of overly emotional people. There are a few even-headed folks in my bunch but, most of us could very easily show up on the Jerry Springer show. So, even though this concept doesn't come naturally to me, it is something that I am willing to strive towards. No, it is something that I must strive towards.
If it's too easy, meaning your still thinking and not feeling enough, modify your pose.
Lots of over-thinkers in my lineage as well. My "pose" is gonna have to shift so that I can feel instead of analyze.
Balancing calmness and intensity.

That pretty much sums it up. B A L A N C E. I need to write this on my head, on my walls, repeat it daily, hourly.

That is my lesson for today. If it reaches you like it reached me, I've done some good. Peace and harmony and evenness of temper are within my power to master. It is up to me how I use this borrowed life. Today is a new day. God's mercies are new every morning. What a glorious thing to know.

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