No Pain, No Gain

Today was my 5th day of the 30-day-shred. I can already feel a difference in my body, besides the agonizing pain. This morning I almost did push-up for push-up with Jillian. Day one, my face was in the carpet after five. It doesn't seem reasonable to me that in just 5 days my strength would have increased that much, but I guess I'm going to be very happy that I'm already seeing results. I've stuck to my promise to only weigh myself once a week. The scales are in my bathroom and I look at them every time I'm in there...I think they need a new place. This is definitely something that I don't want to obsess about.

One of the things that Jillian says during the workout is "can I just do biceps-curls without squats..NO YOU CANNOT". She also says that there is no modification for a jumping jack, "I've got 400 lb people that can do jumping jacks, so can you!" Then I quietly thank God that I don't weigh 400 pounds and push myself a little harder. The thing about Jillian is that she gets in your head, where all the crappy thinking is and makes you believe in your own strength. Doing crunches she says, "I know you can feel that little knot in your stomach and you want to quit, but don't give up. That is your body building strength. That is fear leaving the body", and I want to cry because, not only has fear been a major obstacle for me, but the sensation of feeling pain as fear is leaving my body makes the process tangible and real as I push through the barriers.

I'm getting to the point where I love to sweat. Pushing myself to the point where I'm dripping with sweat and then continuing on to where I'm way outside my comfort zone and remaining there until I have to rest is becoming like a drug to me. There is definitely something to that whole "no pain, no gain" thing. Simply staying where you're comfortable is not going to create results. I'm such an impatient person and having to go through a process that is going to take months (plus a lifetime) is going to be a true test of my strength and endurance. But, I'm almost 4 weeks in and my body is already changing. The flippin scale hasn't budged much but I know if I keep going, the weight-loss will come. I'm anxious to get to a maintenance stage but am resolved to work hard until I get there. I'm not afraid anymore.