Friday, September 30, 2011

Juice fast: Day 4

This morning I finally awakened to a great feeling of lightness and clarity. My head is much better, I'm still pretty hungry but handling it well. There have been a few tough moments today when I wanted to just give up. I will confess that I ate about a fourth cup of beans last night and about that many walnuts today. They were SOOOO good.

While my head and body are feeling just swell, my heart is heavy and I'm sad. I can't really talk about it but I'm dealing with some pretty heavy stress and heartbreak. It's complicated and kind-of ridiculous but it hurts none-the-less. Usually during a time like this, I'd be running for the Oreo's or blending myself up a nice pitcher of margaritas. This is definitely a test of the emergency broadcast system. Please pray that this issue can be resolved and that everyone involved can find peace. That's all I can really say about it.

I didn't walk today because I've been so preoccupied, but am thinking of doing some Zumba in a little while. That is such an amazing stress reliever. Since I didn't go walking, neither did the dogs. Emma gets an amazing amount of balled up energy when she doesn't get to go for her walk. So, this evening as it was getting dark, I took off her fence collar and we went out in the pasture so she could just run free. To watch the sheer exuberance and thrill of that silly dog bounding through the pasture was the grandest thing. I could feel my heart leaping with every bounce she took. The more I endure of people, the more I love my dogs.

Tomorrow will be the greatest test of all. We are having a party for my grandmother's 80th birthday. There is going to be so much yummy food and my absolute favorite cake in the world.
I may have to eat a little bit. It's her 80th birthday after all. I am not sure what I'm going to do yet. While I was at Mom's this evening preparing the video we are going to show tomorrow, she had chips and salsa sitting on the bar. My hand kept trying to reach for them of it's own free will. I never thought that not eating a chip would be so challenging.

I may not be able to keep this up for 10 days. Should have made it a 5 day fast. I'm tired and sad and heavy hearted. Maybe Zumba will cheer me up.

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