I hung in for nearly 5 days and I need food. My body and brain were screaming for it and, today, I complied. It was my grandmother's 80th birthday party today and I figured it was as good a day as any to break the fast. I ate about two tablespoons of chicken and dressing, about a half cup of cream peas and about a fourth cup of purple hull peas. It was the most delicious meal I'd ever had. I didn't have any birthday cake or anything sweet. I just ate veggies and a tiny bit of chicken and lots of water. Tonight I ate some nuts and a couple bites of Mom's chicken casserole, and I relished every tiny flavor filled morsel.
I don't feel bad
I'm not riddled with guilt.
I just fasted for almost 5 days on nothing but vegetable juice and water. Go me!
Last night I had a dream within a dream...or a "dweam wif in a dweam". This has never happened to me before. I dreamt I was in a car with my mother and she was driving. We were on a one lane road that was really hilly. We crested a steep hill and suddenly there was a light in front of us that was so brilliant and beautiful that it filled the car and took our breath away. I couldn't discern if it was the sun or the light of God or what, but both of us were gasping for air because of the beauty of it. It was a light that encompassed the car, filling it, surrounding it, penetrating every crevasse even penetrating into our hearts and souls. Even though we were experiencing it separately, we were completely connected in our response to such beauty. Then I realized I was dreaming and called her on the phone to tell her about it...then I woke up and became aware that I was dreaming that I'd had a dream. Are you with me? I was dreaming that I was dreaming.
Today when I told my mom about it...I said, "this is the second time I've told you this story, by the way". It was so weird and mystical and beautiful. I assumed that the universe was trying to tell me something. I'm not sure exactly what it was, but giving my body food seemed to be a logical conclusion. I also dreamed that I was changing a baby's diaper but couldn't find a place to lay it down because there were babies EVERYWHERE. I don't even want to know what that means.
I plan on keeping the juice a big part of my life. I can see where it can have a lovely place in my life for energy and nutrients. But, it just isn't normal not to eat food. I believe I've reached a place where I can appreciate food and not take it for granted. Instead of mindlessly munching on every little thing, I feel like I can eat to nourish my body and appreciate the flavor of every bite. And, I am going to eat lovely amazing vegetables and nutrient rich foods, not processed foods, keep exercising and feeling great. I will eventually get to my goal weight. It will be hard work and commitment, but my health and happiness are worth any effort I give.
Right now, I'm just happy to have some food in my tummy and am really looking forward to a cup of coffee in the morning with my husband. Because, in my opinion, that is just the way God intended it.