Friday, March 2, 2012

About that

It has come to my attention that some people may fear my transparency by blogging about being an alcoholic could "bite me in the butt". That somehow opening up and telling the world (although I only have 19 or 20 followers) would condemn me for life. I can see that sharing EVERYTHING could have consequences. I can see that there are some things that are better kept private or shared with great discretion to a few trustworthy people. This is an extremely personal and tender subject and I chose to share for several reasons.

The best explanation I can give for shouting it from the mountain top goes directly back to the story of the woman at the well. Jesus held nothing back in confronting her and holding a mirror to her face. She could have been thankful for the opportunity to be redeemed and simply went back home with her salvation hidden in her pocket. But, God love her, she didn't do that. She went and told everybody in town (not that they probably didn't already know). She was so thrilled with her encounter with Christ, even though it was convicting, that she couldn't keep it all in.  I'm sure there were those that looked upon her with disdain and thought her foolish to proclaim it. I choose to see this: Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony, "He told me everything I ever did". John 4:39 Those are powerful words to me. If I have to endure a few of the naysayers to bring even one person some comfort or help their belief in Jesus, that is a very small price to pay.

I also chose to share for another reason. I live in a small town and gossip goes around like wildfire. It wouldn't be long before word of my alcoholism became public knowledge and the stories would quickly spread. I've seen it happen a thousand times. Recently, I've heard from several people that they heard my parents had moved away. Where it originated, we may never know. But, it is a perfect example of how information moves in a small community and is taken as fact, even false information. So, I took it upon myself to "publish" my story. I'm sure that their will be spin-offs and misconceptions but the facts are in black and white should anybody want to know the truth. And, instead of having to tell the same story a hundred times to explain it all to those who would ask...they can simply read my blog.

If I was an employee where my job could be jeopardized because of my admission, I'm sure I would have kept it to myself. My employer is most understanding and has decided to keep me on full-time and support me 100% in my recovery efforts. He even still sleeps in my bed.

The bottom line is that I needed to be honest about it. I could have chosen a hundred different avenues to confess it, this is just what I was led to do. If I had kept it hidden, it would have brought me down again. I'm certain of it. When God presses upon my heart to do something, I think I'd better listen. What could I have to personally gain by writing about my disease other than to free myself from the burden of it? Why would anybody see that as a bad thing? I am not ashamed, no more than I would be if I were sick with cancer and writing about my struggles with that. (now it won't surprise me if I hear a rumor circulating that I have cancer) *snicker*

I so appreciate those that have supported me, the kind words, the loving gestures, the listening ear. I even appreciate those souls that aren't sure what to say to me and avoid talking to me. Sometimes, I don't know what to say either. I'm human and struggling through life just like everybody else. It is in those common threads of conflict that we find comfort in each other. God is weaving a marvelous tapestry that we can't see but, I'm certain that it is woven through our love and understanding of each other. We are the threads, let's let Him have his way with us.

1 comment:

  1. I love you & you are an amazing sister in Christ. What a gift your sharing has been. Thank you.