Wednesday, June 13, 2012

slooooowwww progress

First of all, if anybody pays any attention at all to my little weight-loss-ticker; it has been updated, YAY! I can't even remember the last time I updated but sure it's been at least a year. 10 pounds in a year. It is progress...but slow.

Couch to 5k has been a great success. I am loving the early morning walking/jogging. I haven't been rigorous with a schedule the last week because of being out of town and other life-obstacles but decided not to beat myself up about it and consequently; quit. I've also limited my jogging. While I love to run and get that adrenaline rush and really get my heart rate through the roof, it seriously hurts my knees and back. Since there is a history of degenerative disk disease in my family and, since I've already been fighting the affects of osteoarthritis, walking is going to have to be my main source of cardio. I did one day of Gilad's Total Body Workout and my leg muscles were angry for days. It's funny how trying to turn back the clock by exercising makes you walk like an old person.

So, I am on the right path. Sometimes it feels like I'm sitting on the side of the path, but I pick myself up and keep going. Whatever my goal is...I'm heading towards it. There is no way to know when I'll get there or even where it is, but that is where my feet are taking me. It is a daily walk and the beauty of it all is that it is a very colorful adventure along the way. Instead of focusing on the finish line (although I really don't believe there is a finish line) I can focus on the journey. Stopping and smelling roses is good advice. We miss so much when we are goal oriented. Lord knows that's never been my problem.

I can actually feel my viewpoint shifting. I want to go see what the dogs are barking at instead of blasting past in a hurry to get the thing done. I feel curious like a child, enjoying the little things. It's fun to watch muffins rise in the oven! It is ok to take a half-hour nap on the couch. Everything doesn't have to be "perfect" to enjoy life. Including me. It is so freeing to let myself off that hook.

Speaking of perfection...I'm also currently on a mission to clean out my house. Not just wipe surfaces and give the illusion of tidiness but REALLY REALLY clean the thing. It is going to be quite a chore. I am TRYING to do one thing at a time. One cabinet, one drawer, one room at a time. Simplification is going to be essential to my wellbeing. I'm just sure of it. Kyle will be moving out soon (hopefully) and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to call in a hazmat team for his room... or just bulldoze it down. For now, I just keep telling him to clean it like I have for the past 12 years. Maybe he'll do it. There is always hope.

No matter how quickly or slowly my journey seems to be going, I can say with great assurance that I'm heading the right way. For so long, I was lost and being lost is scary. Just knowing that the light of truth is shining around me to brightly light my way is such a comfort. However crooked or messy or confusing the journey may be, I keep my feet pointed towards the goal, put one foot in front of the other and enjoy the scenery as I go.

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